January 18 - 24

I've sort of been thinking about sacrifices this week. I kind of talked about it last week, but I'm planning on a new direction.

There are a lot of sacrifices in life. Some are small, some you can't get past without some sort of note. Pretty much all sacrifices have some negative effect. However, what most people don't immediately associate with sacrifices is the positive outcome from every single one. Just think about every sacrifice you have ever made in your life. There are a lot, from giving your little brother your cookie to giving up all your time to raise a child (I'm aware, some of us haven't made this sacrifice yet, but we will). From giving away your cookie, you saw sheer happiness and you are regarded higher by your brother. From raising a child, you have given someone a happy life and had fun yourself, at times. No matter the sacrifice, there is something positive that comes from the event and your reaction.

However, sometimes it is very difficult to find the happy part. A sacrifice can be a trial. The difference that i see between them is often you choose your sacrifices. With trials, you don't pick who/what is going to hurt you and why. But with sacrifices, there is usually the option of what to give away and whether or not to do it in the first place. If you don't see the good part, think about why you gave whatever it was away. Usually, there is a reason. If not, stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about who you helped. Time for some examples, kiddies.

Time can be a huge sacrifice. Every day around 5:00 pm, my mother starts "reminding" my brother and I about practicing the piano. Often, it doesn't happen because we don't want to sacrifice our time, energy, and brain power. However, there is the rare occasion where we do decide that our lives are just waiting away, and we might as do something, no matter how dull it is. If this ritual of actually doing something repeats itself, there starts to be a change. All the sudden, the songs sound better, and our fingers begin to flow effortlessly across the keys. We did sacrifice some of our nap time, but we gained some skill. True, this is kind of a lame example. Let's go back to raising a child.

Generally, a person decides to have a child before it happens. From the second that child is conceived, there are a lot of sacrifices being made. The mother has to deal with cravings, mood swings and a huge belly. This is followed by a great amount of pain. Next up is stinky diapers and not being able to sleep through the night, only to be followed by flinging food everywhere and running around everywhere. Things change, and eventually the parents are left up with curfews, homework, dating, and outrageous car insurance. That sure is a lot of sacrifices, and those aren't even the half of them. Positive outcome? Most parents will admit that it is hard to see at times. At others, it is totally apparent. Raising a child makes you stronger, opens your eyes to new things and gives you a new friend.

Next time you're groping over a sacrifice, think. Did you have a decision whether to take this on or not? Why did you? How did you help others? This will add a bright side to your life and help you be more optimistic in all things.

January 11 - 17

I've decided that sometimes, trials just hurt. This week was a little hard for me, with it being end of semester, having no older brother to make me understand math, and my friend being diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma.

I'm just going to tell you now that this is going to get religious, because that's who I am and what I was thinking about this week. You are choosing to proceed, which means you are also choosing to get offended. Well, you always choose to get offended, but that is beside the point.

We all have trials. There has not been a single person to grace the face of this earth who has not had to face trials everyday. The thing that eases the pain is knowing that there's a reason for our heartache, knowing that we're becoming better and stronger people. But sometimes, it still hurts.

There is still a small portion of me that wishes everyday for my brother to be sitting on his bed, just waiting to for me to come so that he can impart his wisdom on me. There is still a part of me that longs to be able to hug him and treat him like a huge Kleenex. There's still a part of me that yearns to laugh and goof around with him. However, my family and I do what I do because it helps other people. As they say, "A missionary leaves him family for two years so those he serves can be with theirs forever." If he was going to work in a donut shop on the other side of the world with limited communication, that would not happen. I would duct tape him to a chair and give him a black eye before that happened. However, that's not the case. Sure, it sucks, but there are great things coming from my sacrifice.

The end of semester is a minor example, but it brings troubles to the surface. All the sudden you have 3 projects due on one day, 7 tests within one week, and it seems that teachers are oblivious to the fact that you do have 7 other classes. Every kid has to work a little harder, and a little bit of light is sucked from the world. Although it is just stress, you'd still rather do without it. Then why do we do it? Because we know that if we don't, it may very well affect the rest of our lives. Because, gosh darn it, we are smarter people at the end of that semester. Because without it, we'd still be the same person, needing for improvement.

Sadly, there are more major examples. When a really good friend of yours suddenly tells you that she has cancer, it is one of the hardest things that could ever happen. This time, she can't just walk away. She doesn't have the choice to not do it. Okay, she does, but that choice is death. You're not even the one who has been diagnosed, but you wish it would have been you. You wish that you could take away such a harsh disease from such a sweet, loving, funny girl. But you can't. And you know what? There's no way I would every desert her, no way I would ever just walk away from this trial. Why? Why don't I just leave this hard part of my life in the dust? Because it's making me stronger, and I can help make her stronger. The reason this whole thing is bearable is because we know someone else has done it before us. There is someone who is aware of exactly what we are feeling, exactly what we want. You're right, sometimes hard things just plain suck, but guess who else felt that same sense of panic, of pain, of sorrow? It may be hard now, but things will be so much more amazing afterwards.

Trials are complicated, and can't be fit into something this short. Either way, I tried, and this is what came out. Things may seem impossible, but that's what makes everything after that seem so possible.

Goodbyes

"I've had to say goodbye more times than I've liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even when it's for the greater good, it still stings. And though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye, because chances are they're not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing; when it's a chance to start again."

-Ugly Betty

January 4 - 10

I didn't really have any great epiphanies this week, so I decided to go for a self description write-up. This may eventually end up somewhere as a "Tell About Yourself" thing.

There are a few main things that I live for: My family, laughing, the gospel, and music. My family and I are really close. If I ever need someone to just pick me up and tell me it's all right, I go to my family. It used to be that I would always be in my older brother's room, but now that his room is in Ecuador, I had to mix things up a little bit. Now I can usually be found in my little brothers' room, but not exactly talking about the same things. My brothers are the best. If there was an award for most protective sister, I would win the grand prize, hands down. I'm just warning you now, if you even look at one of my brothers the wrong way, you will have a black eye, and you will be crying. Just a warning. My parents and I spend quite a bit of time together, and they are always there for me. They can be really goofy, and that's when laughing comes in.

If we had hidden cameras in my house, we could make the funniest movie of all times. We are always giggling at something, whether it be a comment made about someone or a story of our stupidity. My family and friends don't get embarrassed, and we don't mind if we make fools of ourselves. I think that's a better way to live; never fearing what other people think, just being yourself and enjoying life. A lot of people need to realize that it's okay to be goofy and let your personality show. Everyone my dad meets knows that he excels in stupid-joke-telling and can come up with some lame remark for any comment. Most of the time we end up laughing at him, not the joke. He still doesn't care, and we all love that he's crazy. It's okay to laugh and just have a good time, but you still need to know when to be serious.

The gospel has helped me in my life whenever I feel alone or discouraged. Being able to pray and read scripture is an amazing thing for me and I would not be able to get through the things that I do if it wasn't for this. I enjoy learning new things about it and therefore becoming happier. I'll admit it, sometime things can get beyond my understanding and I temporarily lose interest. Then I realize that I should be even more curious and seeking about this subject because it is so deep. The gospel is a light in my life and helps me realize why I am here and why I should pull through the pains that I do.

Music also helps me get over things. If it was a bad day, I walk in the door, grab my iPod, and you can watch the steam come off of me. I love being on a stage after so much hard work and just singing my lungs out. Another thing that goes along with singing is acting, and I'm an addict. I'm constantly working on a new production and having a blast while doing so. While wondering around my house, I usually sing a song from my show or any other song that strikes my fancy. Michael Buble is a frequent, and anyone who knows me is aware that I love his music. Most teenage girls don't, but my taste is pretty different than theirs. I also enjoy songs that my parents listened to, like Bon Jovi, Whitney Houston and Rick Springfield. Music is my outlet, and it gets used quite a bit.

I may seem boring to you, but I don't care if you do. I care about those who love me and I love them back. If people don't life me for my personality, I just keep being who I am.

December 28 - January 3

Happy New Year everyone! As I deeply pondered what lies ahead, I realized that I'm going into high school this year (weird). With more deep pondering I came upon thinking about what I expected with every new school year. Also, what the teachers expected of me. Then my amazing brain went even further. Are the expectations always the same here, now, and forever? I speculated if our parents were expected to do the same things as we are now. And so my shpeal begins.

On the average day, I am expected to wake up early and look like a stick with a perfect face and hair. Then I embark on my journey to school (sometimes known as the torture chamber). I scramble to grab all my stuff and try to make it to homeroom on time. Then they expect me to shut up while I have a room full of friends (as if that happens). This is followed by 3 periods of mostly busy work, on rare occasions there are assignments that are not an insult to me and my brain. Next up is lunch, in the stuffy cafeteria with really nasty school lunch. Oh, joy. Another class, then freedom! Sort of. There is usually musical rehearsal after school, keeping me in there even longer. When I finally escape, I burst into my home with a feeling of relief. Then the huge backpack on my shoulder becomes more apparent. More work. Hey, but at least I can jam out to my tunes and take a break while doing this work. I may have a moment of rest after completion, which is much appreciated. Dinner is next on the agenda, which often ends up being Bagel Bites or Macaroni and Cheese. Then I (hopefully) really get a break and just chill. That or go to mutual, depending on the day. I collapse onto my loving bed, wanting the next day to come a little slower.

This has been what I've always done, although the amount of work has grown along with me. This is what I expect for the next couple years of my public education, and it will probably be what I get in college. When I have a job and a family, the same is coming up, just with a different kind of work. Alright, this is what I've always known and probably will always know. Is this what my parents got every day? Well I'll tell you that it was fundamentally the same. Their teachers expected them to do their best, and now their bosses expect the same of them.

Pretty much everyone does the same thing every day. So what makes us different? It's how we go about our day. Do we laugh throughout the day, make others laugh, make people angry, slack off, do our best? The fact that we are all faced with the same task shows how truly different we really are. We take the same thing and put our own personal twist on it. We're all the same, but we're all so very different.